C-Grade ~ over 35s : Brighouse 2019

Abdul Elmasri

Abdul Elmasri

Nominated for the Nobel Prize for poetry for his poignant translation of Beowulf into Icelandic prose, Abdul Elmasri was spotted and signed by Brighouse scouts during a pre-season camp with the Philadelphia 76ers.

Andrew Pancini

Andrew Pancini

Rumoured to be personally responsible for the re-discovery of 14 Japanese pilots lost on the East Timor Archipelago following WW2, Andrew Pansini went on to play four seasons with Real Madrid under José Mourinho before coming on loan to Brighouse.

Liam Dillon

Liam Dillon

The excitement involved in translating four volumes of 16th century Welsh soliloquy and the invention of cold fusion are expected to deliver the preparation Liam Dillon needs to secure a spot in the Brighouse back-line in the 2018 season.

Steve Ford

Steve Ford

Developing new strands of intellectual debate around the philosophical role of agency and single-foot ball bouncing, Steven Ford made the move to Brighouse during the April transfer window, attracted by the folk song of Lativan peasants.

Paul Crain

Paul Crain

Fourteen years as a focus puller, gaffer and best boy in the crew for the Academy Award winning Avengers movie series left Paul Crane wanting more input into the creative process which time on the midfield for Brighouse will deliver.

Murray McCloskey

Murray McCloskey

Awarded a Guggenheim Fellowhip in 1993 after a mid-career switch away from bull-fighting in favour of sub-molecular research, Murray McCloskey has again surprised pundits by signing with Brighouse for undisclosed sum.

Chad Bliss

Chad Bliss

After a career devoted to solving the impact of climate change on the southern Polynesian Archipaeligo, Chad Bliss has taken on an even subtler challenge in 2019, signing-on as keeper with Brighouse.

Josh Towns

Josh Towns

Not content with the development of three new varieties of Bolivian wheat, and the discovery of eight previously unpronounced Nepali verbs, John Towns is relishing in the challenges of the Brighouse back-line.

Rolly Gruenis

Rolly Gruenis

Part of Aston Villa's 'Golden Generation' in the decade the side won the FA Cup and Lichtenstein Trophy double, Rolly Gruenis was poached and positioned on sough dough by Brighouse for a record transfer fee.

Tim Kingsley-Miller

Tim Kingsley-Miller

A last-minute scorpion-kick goal to win the Champions' League trophy for Real Madrid, was merely the prelude to signing for Brighouse in 2018 for Tim Kingsley-Miller. He's hoping the blend of crystal- metatherapy and foundational eugenics will stitch his left hamstring in time for the semies.

Hayden Trott

Hayden Trott

Best known for his pivotal role developing data-sets for the Manhattan project and urban planning for the ground-breaking O-Bahn expressway in Adelaide, Hayden Trott signed in an undisclosed deal with Brighouse in 2018.

Jono Barrie

Jono Barrie

Pre-season experience pillaging villages across three North Yorkshire counties with Leif Erikson in the 7th century, saw Jono Barrie catch the eye of Brighouse selectors searching for a gap in the backline left by the retirement of panzer commander Erwin Rommell.

Kristy Ford

Kristy Ford

Credited with the discovery of four star systems during the Apollo 17 missions, Kristy Ford went on to play as striker for Everton before being traded to Brighouse for the 2019 season.

Blake Brouf

Blake Brouf

Nominated for two separate academy awards for a supporting roles in Braveheart, Blake Brouff made his name in the outfield for the Detroit Dodgers before signing with Brighouse.

Vance Triming

Vance Triming

A pioneering year career in 'Big-Data' programming and two seasons in the midfield with Watford in the EPL has barely prepared Vance Triming for his new role with Brighouse.

Glenn Martin

Glenn Martin

Credited with the 1950s TV Gardening show catch-phrase, 'More Begonias that Hot Dinners', Glen Martin switched a career in plant biology for a position on the wing with the Toronto Maulers in their 2009 Stanley Cup winning side, before signing with Brighouse.

David D'Elboux

David D'Elboux

His three Commonwealth Games goal medals in the hammer-throw for Wales and two seasons as back-stop for the Boston Red Sox, drew the eye of Brighouse selectors to David D'Elboux as they searched for another cog in the defensive back-line for the 2019 season.

Jarrad Smith

Jarrad Smith

Rescued as a child from from a sugar cane plantation in Vanuatu, Jarrad Smith represented Iceland in curling where he was spotted by Brighouse scouts and signed for the 2019 season.

Mark Brouff

Mark Brouff

Mark Brouf established his playing reputation, by pioneering the reverse-thrust castling manoerve in chess, before signing with Hudderfield Town and then Brighouse.

Marcus Wakeley

Marcus Wakeley

Traded by the Winnipeg Blue Bombers after three seasons in the Canadian football league, Marcus Wakeley made the move to minor league baseball with the Asheville Tourists before signing with Brighouse.